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Let’s just say, if random men are waving singles at you… you’re making this blog.  But at the end of the day, can’t we all just be glad that at least someone is scoring at a Cowboys game? 

ps. Notice the leopard print bra… Bonus points!

#53. Heels in a Bikini

All women wear heels at one time or another.  And most women have worn bikinis too.  But it really takes a whore’s chutzpah to try to justify wearing both at the same time.  I mean, unless you are walking the runway for the Miss America pageant, what possible reason could there be?  No one would wear heels to a beach, or a bikini to a formal, yet somehow whores still manage to justify the heels-bikini combination — often.  And, well, we really, secretly have to admire them for it.

Lindsay Lohan, who also has a leopard bikini, is seen above modeling the latest in ankle-bracelet chic — an extremely nice added touch that had all the staffers at SWL gasp in delight and slow clap in awe.  Bikini, heels, ankle-bracelet. Lindsay is simply head-and-nipples over all other whores on the planet — and we at SWL adore her for it.

(And, psst, check out the bruise on the hip.  We cross our fingers that it’s just from the latest chicken fighting incident.)

We of course know that whores don’t like following rules.  And when a whore has to pee, she really has to pee.  These two facts coupled together result in surprisingly few options when the women’s room has become overcrowded with the sensible and the prudish. (Squatting somewhere is only appropriate when on the way to or from someplace, not while already at a location)  When a whore really has to shake the dew from the lily, privacy issues do not apply, and let me assure you: no self-respecting whore is afraid of a penis.  So if there’s a long line for the women’s room, or the men’s room is a few steps closer, or if the signs are confusing, or if she saw a good looking man walk in, you better believe she’ll use the men’s room with no shame. You can’t expect a whore to wait in line, walk a few extra steps, use common sense,  or pass up the opportunity to make an impression on a male… especially when she has to turn on the sprinkler.  Besides, peeing in a urinal is fun.

#51. Coyote Ugly

Whores Gone Wild!

It is hard to imagine a more deliciously in-your-face, gaudy flaunting of pure whoredom than the bottle-juggling, bar-dancing quintet of Coyote Ugly. They howl; they cat-call; they cut-off ties, they spray uptight patrons with the soda-gun; and, of course, they strut and grind on top of the bar.  As Tyra Banks character screams: “Is this a church meeting or is this a bar?!?!”  They are so wild!!

As previously mentioned, with male animals, sociobiologists typically call such behavior “peacocking” — that ostentatious, pumped-up effort to try to excite the female sex. In Coyote Ugly, the women are doing the female equivalent — or “peatwatting.”   At times, and especially in the bar dancing scenes, the women are so excessive in their peatwatting — in their hormone-jacked demand for attention — they sort of turn into the female version of Pacino with a faceful-of-cocaine and machine-gunning all the “cuckaroaches.”  It’s just all so overblown.  Coyote Ugly, in fact, overflows with so many affected, look-at-me, over-the-top performances that it ends up doing for whore-bartenders what Top Gun did for Naval aviators.

Go get ‘em, Jersey!

#50. Chicken Cutlets

A chicken cutlet has just popped out of a bra....in a jacuzzi no less... on "Jersey Shore" no less. At SWL, we like to call this "hitting the whore trifecta" or "going full leopard."

Sometimes whores haven’t fully cannon-balled into the deep end of the whore-jacuzzi and still have not gotten the obligatory boob-job.  This could be due to a lack of a wealthy sap-boyfriend funds or a fear of surgery.  But there are ways to avoid the costs and the pain with inserts that you put in your bra — referred to on the whore-street as “chicken cutlets” due to their uncanny resemblance to raw pieces of chicken.  The only problem with this method of breast enhancement is that one might pop-out during normal whore activity (see pic).

Now, of course, the guy will have to find out once they get back to the bedroom, but, well, as all whores know, it’s too late for the guy at that point. The fly is already wrapped in the web.

#49. Las Vegas

Vegas is whore-Disney Land, perhaps even more than LA.  It’s glitzy, trashy, flashy, plastic, moneyed, and nouveau riche.  It’s the place where she can smoke inside and drink outside.  And there are no clocks.  Limos are everywhere, champagne is the drink-of-the-town, and if she ever loses too much money, she can always get a job assisting a magician.  Oh, and remember, what happens in Vegas… can often be cured with Zithromax or a lot of cranberry juice.

Given the popularity of the “beauty and the beast” motif in fiction, it is not uncommon to see a fairly respectable woman develop feelings for an otherwise, let’s say, unconventional looking figure, whether Faye Wray and King Kong, Esmeralda and Quasimodo, Belle and the Beast, Heidi Klum and Seal.

We have become so used to this that, today, almost no pairing really seems out of whack.

But no matter how our views over such couplings may have changed over the years, one thing still remains absolutely certain:

It takes a real whore to fall in love with Swamp Thing.

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